how do you say? wtf!!!!!!

i had kind of a horrific dream last night.  it may explain why i slept like shit and feel like merde at work today.  the fact that i started drinking jameson’s and smithwick’s at 2pm yesterday probably has nothing to do with my squalid state right now….

so, back to the horrific dream.  

i think i was banging a girl.  or maybe not.  but my penis was the focal point of all that was going on.  yet there was something wrong with my infallible penis.  it was not attached to my groin.  it was in my hand and i was desperately trying to re-attach it to the lump where it should have been in the first place.

i remember looking down at it and seeing torn skin at the base of my penis.  the outer skin itself was stuffed with what looked like a sausage (which made perfect sense as this was the heart of my penis - la coeur dans la tete!).  and there was matching ridgey torn skin on my groin exactly where my penis should have been connected.  i was in shock.  

my friend, dr. jordy appeared in my dream.  i held my penis in my hand and showed it to him.  his reply “dude!!!!”  it wasn’t exactly re-assuring words you’d expect to hear from a friend much less a doctor.  there was an image of mr. garrison chasing after his mouse morphed penis.  but there was nothing for me to chase.  just panic.  i tried repeatedly to re-attach my penis to my body.  it wouldn’t stick.  i think i tried to have sex with some girl who may have popped up in my dream but there was only the veritable balls deep thrust.  sans pullback.  there was nothing to pull back.  my penis kept getting stuck in her vageen.  the skin wrapped sausage was simply no longer part of me.  and i was in a state of trauma.

there’s blanks to fill in yes.  i can’t quite recall all the minutiae.  i remember waking up and IMMEDIATELY putting my hand on my cock to make sure it was safe and sound.  and it was safe, sound, warm and ready to pee.  i’m beyond words at how happy i was to have my penis back.  i never want to have a dream like that again.