Feliz Nuevo Ano

baugher:

Christ, a new year and yet, we are still here.  Parsing the stupidity.  It kind of feels like recapping American Idol, doesn’t it?  We all know how this works out - the most packaged person wins, except they don’t, and are never heard from again until the VH-1 special about one hit wonders hits the airwaves.

Confession - I have started to love Mary.  It may be Stockholm Syndrome (I write that with the confidence that she has no idea what that means and may name a terrible bag after it), but I think she finally realized that she can either be in on the joke or laugh at it.  My editor has disowned me upon this realization, so forgive the grammar and spelling errors.

Okay, what do you need to know about The Trio of Banality?  I’ll give you the low points, bulleted and ribbed for your pleasure:

• Meghan:  Still Cheerios, with a little too much sugar.  Why the naturally hottest girl hasn’t found her groove yet, only Stella knows.  She, like the others, is at CES, although for her, this is kind of akin to Napoleon Dynamite going to a dance competition.  She is very web 1.0, but damn if she doesn’t look good blogging it.
• Mary:  Oh, the sweet virgin Mary.  She went on a cruise, blogged about it, railed against the haters who begrudged her that moment in the sun (then retracted it), worked out and blogged about it (lest you think her slothy, or worse, fat), admitted she was dining on someone else’s dime, took a few pot shots at JA (who is clearly not tight with her own mother), then came back and vowed to “see you on the scales.”  The elusive Leven didn’t make the guest list, sadly, but Mary has a nice Gwyneth haircut and a determination to best JA at her own cover game.
• JA:  Still nothing here.  JA doesn’t play well with others, and in the trio, she comes off like the shrill Midwestern tourist, among a trio of NY fannypack fangirls.  She made a laundry list of resolutions, which I suspect were plagiarized from her 2008 resolutions (she is cunning like that), posted a manifesto of “I WAS ONCE BULIMIC AND THAT IS WHY I CAN CONTINUE TO HATE MYSELF,”and clearly didn’t resolve to lose the tranny makeup or wardrobe.  She called Mary a bitch, claiming that bitch blogging was noble, and thereby solidifying her role as the chick at the party that you recognize, but don’t want to be associated with.  There were, of course, a host of old pics of her, from happier days, plus a few fake emails purporting to attack her on her weight.  Folks, if you don’t do it, no one else will, and then she will go all James Frey on your non-commenting asses.